The Only New Year’s Resolution You Need to Make

I started out writing a list of New Year's Resolutions to recommend for this post – a collection of a few that I had made myself over the years.  As I reviewed the list I started crossing some off, and then I started combining the similar ones.  I soon realized it really all came down to one single, simple resolution.   Just one simple goal to strive for this coming year (which is so much easier because it’s hard enough to keep just one resolution!).  In 2012, this will become our mantra: Refuse to Settle for Anything Less Than You Deserve.   So here’s why this is it - the only one you need to make.  Because if you refuse to settle for anything less that you deserve, that means you get who you are.  And what you’re worth.  And why you’re worth just that much.  It means you've found your you, or at least, you've found enough of your you to know that you deserve all that life and love have to offer you.  It means that you know what you want, and anything less than that just won’t do.

It means that it’s not just about a man, a love, a relationship, an affair, not being alone, etc., etc.  It means that you refuse to settle for anything less than you deserve in general, in everything.  In your job, your family, your friendships, your passions, your dreams, your goals.  In LIFE!  It means you get that it’s not about being prettier, sexier, thinner, stronger, tighter, more popular, more fashionable, (the list can go on and on).  It’s not about going to the gym every day to workout, although that can be something you choose to do to be healthy and happy, but it’s not just about that kind of surface stuff.  It’s about the real thing, you.  Your dreams.  Your life.  You.  And never letting anyone or anything cause you to think anything less of yourself and what matters to you.  No matter who they are or what they mean to you.  Because you know where it’s at.

Deep down inside, that inner you, you know what you were made for, the life you were meant to live, your birthright, your passion.  You know all this.  It’s just that sometimes in the day to day living, with its ups and downs, realities and disappointments, it’s easy to forget what really  matters and what really just doesn't matter.  And that’s why when you know your own worth and believe in who you really are, it comes naturally to refuse to settle for a relationship that’s anything less than what you know you want.  It’s without question that you wouldn't compromise your principles or sell yourself short.  It’s not even a consideration that you’d allow any him to treat you any less than what you know you deserve.

But the reality is, so many of us struggle with this.  So many of us are so afraid of being alone that we find ourselves settling for less than we want, and selling ourselves short in the name of what we call love.  Because we've never had this kind of true love in our lives.  So we continue to settle for the crumbs that fall on the floor.  The scraps.  But we know in our hearts what true love is, and we know that if we’d just stop settling we’d find that real love – for the first time in our lives.  But old patterns die hard.  It’s hard to learn to play a different game when the game we've playing is the only one we know.  So we don’t.  We keep repeating the same patterns, playing the same game over and over again and wondering why we keep finding ourselves back in the same relationship with the same guy, just with a different face and a different name.  Because we don’t know how to love ourselves in the way that we need to in order to finally break free of these patterns.  Because we don’t have a clue what it really means to live our lives the way they are meant to be lived.  Our lives.

Somehow we forget that we’re the ones doing the choosing, the selecting, the deciding, the evaluating.  We’re the ones who decide if he’s in or out.  He may get to have someone as amazing as we are in his life, not the other way around.  We’re the ones who choose to continue only if it’s a relationship that truly honors our light; and we are the ones who have the courage to end it if it’s not, even if that means we find ourselves alone.  Again.  All over again.  Because when we’re in that place of confidence in ourselves, it doesn't matter.  We’re no longer afraid of being alone.  In fact, we understand from there that it’s better to be alone.  Much better than being alone with someone who really isn't with us anyway.  This year we’re only going to be with him if he's with us.  Completely, in the way that we want, and deserve.

So that’s it, my beautiful friend.  That’s the only resolution you need to make this year.  Sounds easy, but I know, you’re wondering how.  Because like me, back in my single days, after chiming in with my best cheerleader cheers of agreement with all these wonderful truths, the reality set in that I had no idea how to get to that place within myself.  Where I truly believed I was worth not settling, or even had the right to think of myself like that.  If that’s you, then I know you know exactly what I mean.  We’ll be delving into this a lot deeper in the coming months, but for now, I just want you to hold these thoughts.  That you are beautiful; that you are worthy of, and deserve the kind of love that you want.  Sit with those thoughts, stand with them, dance with them tonight as you get a glimpse of what I’m talking about; and catch what might be a rare glimpse of yourself; your true self that we don’t see very often and you rarely let others see.

Let’s set her free this year.


  1. tara says

    it's so important to be comfortable with who you are... i know this now. looking back..i was NEVER myself around my ex, and it's sad to think after 7 years with someone.... he never really knew me at all. i''m sure he would DIE if he read my blog! 😉

  2. Jane says

    Tara - You are so not alone in that. :-) I too (all too often) pretended to be something I'm not - in fact I wrote this entire post about it. Fortunately I learned my lessons also and found that life and love are so much better when we're being true to ourselves. That's when we find the guy that's right for us - the one who loves us the way we are!

  3. tara says

    ahhhh i just read it jane and thought hmmmm this sounds familiar! i will say this though... i knew i couldn't marry my ex when he looked at me over dinner, took my hand, and said, "one day, do you think we can breed bulldogs together?" now normally if i had been crazy in love.... i would have been like that sounds so amazing. i love bulldogs.
    but i couldn't bring myself to say it....and that's when i knew that i could no longer stomach him! or his dog!
    "no way am i breeding bulldogs in my golden years!" me to my ex while running out the door with my suitcase

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