Remember yesterday when we were talking about how it all begins with you? Well, I’ve got more to say about that. About how to get there when that’s the last thing you’re feeling. And you’re not sure how to begin. I’ll tell you how it began for me.
I met with my therapist and explained to him that I was so tired of repeating the same patterns over and over again, and how I was thinking there must be something I was missing in my search for my soul mate. Some kind of key that would unlock the mystery and reveal to me the secret to finally finding my true love. And the answer he gave me was so simple and honest. He explained how some people, whether because of how they were raised and nurtured as children, or because of other factors like personality, circumstances or experiences they’ve gone through, regardless of the reason, they have the ability to cheer themselves on. To remind themselves of all that they are and all that they have to offer. Without anyone telling them this. It comes from within.
But then there’s the rest of us. Those of us who have a much harder time doing this for ourselves. Not because there’s some flaw in us that prevents us from doing so, but because of the downward spiral we’ve been in from these relationships we’ve held onto for so long. So that we can no longer cheer ourselves on, being our own cheerleader. And from this place we find ourselves in, we find it hard to see ourselves for what we really are, let alone cheer ourselves on. We come to need external validation. Someone from outside of us to remind us of who we are and what we have to offer. Until we eventually can see it for ourselves and become our own cheerleader again. Or maybe for the first time. But until then, I found it was exactly what I needed.
So I enlisted my mom (thanks, ma!) and she became my cheerleader to remind me of my own truth when I would lose sight of myself. And who I really was. And what I had to offer. She was that for me. And I’m guessing you might know exactly what I mean here, when I talk about us needing a cheerleader to keep us going for a while. Until we can see it for ourselves, and remind our own selves of our truths. But until then, whether, it’s your mother, your father, your sister, your brother, a trusted friend, someone entirely unrelated; it doesn’t matter who it is as long as it’s someone who you can trust, who knows your true self, who doesn’t judge you, doesn’t judge you, doesn’t judge you (I really want you to get that part!) and truly has your best interests at heart.
So begin by asking them if they’ll help you get a clearer picture of yourself while you’re on this journey. Let them know you need some help to see yourself objectively. Ask them to remind you daily of the qualities you possess that make you special. Ask them to make a list of all the things they see you doing with your life. Ask them if they can make another list of everything you bring to a relationship. And all the beautiful qualities you possess that make you beautiful inside and out. And then take those lists with you so that you can refer to them whenever you start doubting yourself. And let them know you’ll want to check in with them whenever you forget and need that reassurance again from them. And don’t worry if that happens a lot. It did for me, too.
Until eventually we see ourselves clearly. Worthy, beautiful, of worth, our true selves revealed. Because that’s really who you are. We just sometimes need some help to see it before we can see it for ourselves.
Come back tomorrow for another step we can take!