The Things We Do For Love

Why do we pretend to be what we aren't in the name of loveWhy we do them, no one knows.  But if we think it’s love, we’ll try it. Because they’re into skiing and we want to do things with them and we just know it’ll be easy to pick it up. No, no, no. Do not do this. I learned this one the hard way. And ended up on the roof. Of a shed.  On the slopes.

It was supposed to be skiing on the trails, and not scary. But, in my enthusiasm for my new beau, I neglected to mention that I had never skied before, and in fact, found the whole thing a little scary. But I, the ever idealistic pleaser, was sure it would work itself out.  Right.  So there we were. Of course I looked the part in my expensive sexy snowbunny suit, so I figured that would make it all work out.  I’d look so good it wouldn’t matter that I didn’t ski.  But here’s the thing, with a real guy who’s authentic, he really was looking forward to doing the activity we’d planned – skiing.  It was me, not him, that was all about being with me looking pretty.  I didn’t get that then, though.  And it wasn’t the only time I’d done that.

No, I’d wakeboarded the same way.  With lots of enthusiasm, no experience and no intention of doing it.  But I could look the part. In my new sexy bathing suit.  Do you see a theme here?  Good, because I didn’t.  Not for a long time.  The couple we went wakeboarding with had a real relationship going – they both were real people who did real things together and while she might not have been as cutesy as me, she had a real relationship with a guy and I had a date.  With yet another one of those guys that never turns into anything more than a date or two.  But I still didn’t get it.  It would be a long, long time before I’d finally understand the case for being real, and honest; and that the guy I should have been looking out for wasn’t the kind who would trade the real activity with a pretty package hanging on his arm.

I had yet to learn what a real relationship looked like.  But I’d seen enough to know this wasn’t it.  And here’s the newsflash on this one, girlfriends, I’ve talked to enough guys since all this to hear that they really don’t want to spend their time with us teaching us to wakeboard or ski.  Really they don’t.  They’d much rather we just be honest with them, let them know we’d love to do said activity with them, but we’ve never learned or don’t really enjoy the cold, or aren’t really that interested in it, but we’d love to meet them at the lodge after they’re done skiing or whatever activity they want to do.

When I heard that suggestion from not just one but several of the men I now feel free to talk about this stuff with because I’m not trying to date them, I was so surprised.  That they’d be fine with that.  Actually prefer it.  Especially the honesty part.  And here I thought it would be a strike against me because I wouldn’t know how to do something that they enjoyed doing.  So I’m passing this piece of advice onto you direct from the guys themselves.  Save yourself a lot of needless worry and just tell him you’ll meet him at the bar after for drinks.  He’ll ski, you can shop and you’ll be together after.  Or go along on the boat to watch him and his friends wakeboard but without any pretense that you’re planning on being an active participant.

Unless, of course, you want to try something new and he’s into showing you the ropes.  There!  Wasn’t that so much better than what you’d had planned?  So much less stressful?  And doesn’t it feel good to have that kind of honesty between you so there’s no surprises – like you ending up on a roof while he’s thinking you’ll be skiing together on the slopes.  Trust me, those surprises aren’t the kind you want in a real, authentic kind of connection.   Like I said, most of what I learned I got after the fact.  It doesn’t have to be that way for you.

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