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Was I Just A Hot Mess With A Great Guy?

A beautiful woman is holding her hair back with her hands, wondering if she was a hot mess.
Did I scare him off?

One of our beautiful readers, Felicia, is wondering if she drove away a great guy by being (her words) a "hot mess".

Here's her story:

Hi Jane.

I recently discovered your site to look for answers to many of my questions.

I have seen many articles or posts everywhere that he was not just the one or bad boy, etc.

But...what if, in fact, we were the one messing with a great guy? Or "Like attracts like"?

I recently ended up with a person who was quite close to whom I am looking for while my mother was fighting for her life. I met him via online dating site after several months after relocating to new country. Prior to that, I was just enjoying casual datings with some men. However he was different.Continue Reading

Becoming Irresistibly You

Photos of dictionary showing definition of the word irresistible.
I have a secret for you: You already ARE irresistible!

It doesn't matter who he is.

It doesn't matter how much you made him into in your mind.

There's only one question that matters … are you going to let someone incapable of loving you the way you deserve to be loved do this to you?

This.

This waiting around.

This beating yourself up for what always takes two.Continue Reading

Do Opposites Really Attract?

Graphic of a man and woman symbolizing do opposites attract.
Can it really work?

My husband and I couldn't be more opposite in so many ways. I often say that he is everything I'm not, and I'm everything he's not. But when I talk about that, I'm talking about the practical day to day type things.

His strengths are in areas that I used to view as my weaknesses.

But the truth is, as much as we are opposite each other in many ways, in the things that really matter – like values, like morals, like our parenting styles, like our communication styles – we're anything but opposite.

We may drive each other crazy sometimes (and yes, we do!) with his attention to detail and my insistence on looking at the big picture, but when it comes right down to it, it's the very things that are so different from me that I appreciate so much about him.Continue Reading

Ugh! He Has, Once Again, Completely Disappeared!

A woman has her head in her hands because her boyfriend has disappeared again.
I need to learn how to end this cycle!

One of our dear friends, Kim, has been in a relationship with a guy that keeps on disappearing on her.

Here's her email:

Hi Jane:

I read your article 'Why you're attracting Emotionally Unavailable Men' and it motivated me to take action with your Weekly Love Steps program.

I am well versed in working with steps as I’m in recovery through AA, and have been sober now for 19 months after spending 10 months in limbo relapsing, and trying my best to be a social drinker but thankfully am an alcoholic and believe that today.

It has been an incredible, life changing journey filled with misery and confusion at first and now an entirely new perspective on the world.Continue Reading

One Simple Question You Have to Ask Yourself if You Want to Move On

A beautiful blond woman is very upset with her boyfriend, and is shaking her finger.
Is it worth it?

The rain was falling as I walked home from the bookstore the other day, a light gentle April rain that brought me back to another place and time. A time when yet another man who seemed to have so much potential hadn't been quite able to live up to that potential that only I had been able to see.

It was a time when running – and especially running in the rain, so out of character from who I used to be - became my therapy.

With each step, the pain lessened just a little bit more. I was doing something that I had never known I could do before. And with the support and encouragement of a new found friend, the hurt and the pain and the regrets of "if only", began to slowly lessen.

But there was something more.

I wanted him to be wrong. I wanted him to pay. I wanted him to suffer the way I felt he had made me suffer. I wanted her to suffer too; the woman he insisted was never more than a friend, the same woman who had called herself my friend, who thought nothing of finding every opportunity she could to flirt with him.

I wanted them both to pay.Continue Reading

I Don't Want to Be Hurt Again

A woman and man are experiencing a break up  and she doesn't want to be hurt again.
His mixed signals give me hope we'll get back together.

Our beautiful friend Yuri has been in a relationship with a guy who now says he just wants to be friends, but he's giving her mixed signals which is giving her false hope.

Here's her email:

Dear Jane,

My boyfriend broke up with me in October 2014.

He first said that he wanted to take a break to be with himself because he had some issues then three weeks later he broke up with me. I was really sad but I managed to remain calm. But a week after the breakup he started calling me again and wanted to always hang out with me.

I went along because I was emotionally too dependent on him. As days went by I grew uncomfortable because I knew that even though we were like a couple he still didn't consider me his girlfriend. I decided to speak to him about it and he told me that he was still having some issues and that if I wanted to I could be with him because in the future we will get back together.

Again I went along with what he said hoping that we will get back together soon. But then I noticed a repeated cycle taking place.Continue Reading

Why You're Attracting Emotionally Unavailable Men

A woman is lying her head on a couch wondering why she keeps attracting emotionally unavailable men.
Why do I keep attracting these emotionally unavailable guys?

There's a reason you chose him.

Because, after all, you can choose anyone you want. You know what you want. You know what you don't. And out of all the men you could have picked, you chose him.

Not just any him. Him.

There's something about him that's so strong, yet so sensitive. So confident on the one hand, and yet so vulnerable on the other. He's the quintessential type of all the types you've ever been so attracted to; because after all, it's no accident that he started out every bit as attracted to you.Continue Reading

His Words...Can I Trust Them?

The word trust in letter blocks on tissue paper.
Can I trust his words?

Our gorgeous friend, who has called herself Miss J., has been in a relationship with a great guy for around three months, and things had been going great, but now things are starting to change.

Here's her story:

Hi Jane,

First let me say that I love your site! I have a few articles that I have saved and refer back to regularly to save my sanity! You're a life saver. Now for my question....

I met a great guy back in December and we were immediately infatuated with each other.  We talked everyday and wanted to see each other all of the time and did. We both admitted to have trust issues but also stated that we were interested in being in a committed relationship! Yay!

A month into seeing each other he told me he wanted to advance in our relationship and wanted to be with me in every way. We have both been burned in the past and still struggle with it but he told me how much he loved our communication and how he loved how he felt when he was with me. Exactly what I wanted to hear!

Finally I felt like I could exhale. Continue Reading