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Does He Change?

Silhouette of a woman with her head in her hands while her boyfriend walks away.
Will he? Can he? Is it even possible?

It’s the question I hear most often.

Does he change?

You want to know. You need to know.

Because more than anything else, this is what you fear.

That you’ll draw your line in the sand. That you’ll say those words that will put an end to what might be. That you’ll put yourself in a place where there’s no going back.

And then he’ll change.

Your worst fear is you’ll be too late.Continue Reading

Should I Be Worried He'll Never Talk To Me Again?

A beautiful, sad woman looks at her phone wondering if he'll ever talk to her again.
I still can't help but feel I've done something wrong.

One of our gorgeous readers, Emma, has been dating a guy for five months who suddenly told her that he needed some space, and then subsequently disappeared.

Here's her email:

Dear Jane,

I have been dating this guy for around five months.

We aren't officially together yet but we have both expressed the interest in being officially together. He works night shift and has to work most weekends with his job and lives a hour and a half away.

I only get to see him once a week usually.Continue Reading

It Begins With One Simple Act

A beautiful woman holds her hair up while looking at the ocean.
Each and every act sends the same subtle message; you matter.

It’s the simplest thing.

It all begins simply by noticing. Noticing.

You have to stop long enough to notice if you’re going to see anything different at all. Your soft skin, your silky hair, your beautiful eyes.

Your strong arms. Your long legs.

Brushing each strand of your gorgeous, sensuous hair in long, broad, strokes.

Consciously noticing.

Continue Reading

He's Playing With My Heart

A beautiful woman sits on a swing looking at the ocean, wondering why he's playing with her heart.
He's playing games with me and it really hurts.

One of our beautiful readers, who has chosen to remain anonymous (I've called her "Hurting"), has been dating a man for 3-1/2 years who has been playing with her heart, but she just can't bring herself to let go.

Here's her story:

Hi Jane:

I would like to start off by saying how much I enjoy receiving your newsletters everyday. Sometimes, when I read them, I feel like you can see right into my current situation.

I have been with a man for 3 1/2 years now (IF you want to call it being with) who has been playing with my heart. For the first year and a half, he made it very clear that I was just a temporary fixture in his life. He did tell me that he couldn't promise anything, and who knew what tomorrow would bring.

But, he would lie to me a lot.Continue Reading

Has he changed? Can a person change?

A beautiful woman is leaning her head against a wall, frustrated that her emotionally unavailable ex boyfriend is now in a committed relationship with another woman.
Why did he tell me he didn't want a serious relationship, and now he's in a serious relationship with her?

One of our beautiful readers, who calls herself "Bdoll", has been with an emotionally unavailable guy on and off for the better part of the last five years. He had consistently told her that he didn't want a serious relationship, only to suddenly break up with her and start a serious relationship with another woman.

Here's her email:

I dated someone for 4.5 years on and off.  They say when someone says they don't want to get married, or have a long term relationship, it means "with you!". Or does it mean 'in general'.

He told me from Day 1, that he did not want a relationship, but had one in every sense of the word anyway. The chemistry between us was like nothing I had ever experienced before, it was the pinnacle of any adult relationship I had had previous.

The timing was not right for him, and I believe this to be critical for a man.

This was a 52 year old man, never married. Very charismatic, educated, smart, and had been in plenty of relationships, live-in and long term. Had his choice of woman, always. But wasn't settled in his career, and very unhappy about it.Continue Reading

He's Choosing, Too

A clock face with the words time to choose written on the face.
What he wants is what he's choosing.

Amidst all the excuses we have for him. Amidst all the stories we tell ourselves about why he treats us the way he does.

Amidst all the reasons we have for staying with him, there lies one simple truth.

He’s choosing, too.

He’s choosing to do what works for him.

He’s choosing to not call.

He’s choosing to text you for last minute plans.

These are choices, not excuses, not reasons, not subconscious dilemmas or long-thought out processes.

This is him choosing, too.Continue Reading

Seriously? How Did I Get Here. . .

A brunette woman feeling lonely in her relationship sits looking at the ocean.
He's a great guy, but until I walk he won't ever truly show up.

One of our beautiful readers, who has chosen to call herself "Always Baby", or "AB" for short, has been in a long term on-and-off relationship with a guy who just can't seem to truly commit.

Here's her email:

I am 40. I met my boyfriend when I was 36.

We were together for a few years, split for 12 months, and got back together. We have now been back together for over a year.

My boyfriend told me on the first date he would never fall in love again, he would never marry again, and that was that. Maya Angelou says when people tell you who they are the first time, listen.

I should have.

Our chemistry was amazing..the date was planned around my loves (a play, dinner at the most romantic place)...the banter between us, sexual tension, instant connection--it was all there.

So I dated him.

The process of our relationship -- dating, to committed in regards to being his girlfriend took almost 7 months...and slowly, it hasn't grown much. We broke up when he took Chantix to quit smoking. It had horrible side effects on him including a withdrawal from life, passion, intimacy, his child who he has primary custody of, his personality -- he just became a depressed, dark man. I tried to stay with him. He eventually cut me out.

I thought about him every single day for that year that followed.Continue Reading

What He Needs From You More Than Anything Else

A man sits on a windowsill in the background.
This is what he really needs from you.

There is something he needs from you. More than anything else you might think he wants from you, if he could express in so many words what he needs, it would be these.

He needs you to recognize him for who he is, and not who you want him to be.

He needs you to accept him for who that is – the only person that he can be: himself.

He needs you to see him as his own person, and not someone you project on him.

He needs you to understand that he's not going to change.

He needs you to know he can't always be what you want him to be.

He needs you to know he can't live up to anyone else's potential for him. He can only live within his own.Continue Reading