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Why You're Attracting Emotionally Unavailable Men

A woman is lying her head on a couch wondering why she keeps attracting emotionally unavailable men.
Why do I keep attracting these emotionally unavailable guys?

There's a reason you chose him.

Because, after all, you can choose anyone you want. You know what you want. You know what you don't. And out of all the men you could have picked, you chose him.

Not just any him. Him.

There's something about him that's so strong, yet so sensitive. So confident on the one hand, and yet so vulnerable on the other. He's the quintessential type of all the types you've ever been so attracted to; because after all, it's no accident that he started out every bit as attracted to you.Continue Reading

His Words...Can I Trust Them?

The word trust in letter blocks on tissue paper.
Can I trust his words?

Our gorgeous friend, who has called herself Miss J., has been in a relationship with a great guy for around three months, and things had been going great, but now things are starting to change.

Here's her story:

Hi Jane,

First let me say that I love your site! I have a few articles that I have saved and refer back to regularly to save my sanity! You're a life saver. Now for my question....

I met a great guy back in December and we were immediately infatuated with each other.  We talked everyday and wanted to see each other all of the time and did. We both admitted to have trust issues but also stated that we were interested in being in a committed relationship! Yay!

A month into seeing each other he told me he wanted to advance in our relationship and wanted to be with me in every way. We have both been burned in the past and still struggle with it but he told me how much he loved our communication and how he loved how he felt when he was with me. Exactly what I wanted to hear!

Finally I felt like I could exhale. Continue Reading

The Truth About Just How Powerful You Are

A beautiful woman in a field is looking up, enjoying the sun on her face, recognizing her energy and power.
When you start moving towards what you want, amazing things happen.

Something happens to you when you start moving forward.

However you got here, whether you were searching on Google for some answers or looking for recommendations from friends, from the moment you reach out and become a part of this community through your comments, your emails, taking one of my programs or partnering with me in coaching, a subtle shift begins.

Something new or different begins to show up.

You might not even notice it (although if you're working with me I'll be sure to point it out) yet slowly but surely a shift happens.

Things begin to move.

No matter how small it may be, that it's happening at all is enough to show you it's real.

Because it is.Continue Reading

Will He Ever Change His Mind?

A beautiful woman leans against a tree wondering if he will ever want a committed relationship with her.
Should I just move on?

One of our beautiful readers, who has chosen to remain anonymous, was in a friends with benefits situation and is wondering if he will ever come around and want a committed relationship with her.

Here's her story:

Last year I moved into University halls, and basically fell almost instantly in love with one of my flatmates. He was in a long-term relationship at the time, but we got on really well and hung out a lot.

A few months into the term he separated from his girlfriend, and me and him got even closer and after a few months ended up becoming friends with benefits for about 4 months, however we basically acted like a couple, then all of a sudden he stopped things, saying he wasn't over his last relationship.

I was devastated and tried everything to get over him, but I don't think I ever stopped loving him.Continue Reading

Why it ends. And why it has to.

For every ending there's a new beginning concept showing a stormy ending followed by a sunny blue sky beginning.
It ends because you need it to end.

I see you.

Over there, sitting all alone with your head in your hands.

Oh you think no one notices you, but I do.

How could I not? Not where I've been.

Because when you've been there, you're the first one to feel it when you see all the signs. Broken heart, broken dreams, broken everything, or so it feels. How can it not feel like this when you feel everything as deeply as you do?

Why?

Why did it end? What did I do that was so wrong? What did I do to deserve this?

You want to know. You weren't ready. Not like this, not the way it ended and not the way you feel now.

If you can just find some reason for it – if you can just make some sense of it - you know you'll be all right.Continue Reading

Trying to Move On From a Man Who Won't Commit

A beautiful woman walks down a path towards the light symbolizing trying to move on from a man who won't commit.
I want to move on, but I can't get away from it.

One of our gorgeous readers, Angel, is trying to move on from a relationship with a man who won't commit.

Here's her email:

Hi Jane,

I've been reading a lot of your blog posts for few days now, some of them I read few times too. Here's my situation that got me all confused:

I am a single mother of 2 teenagers and I am having a Long Distance Relationship with this guy from another country for 11 years now. He's working in my country on a flying in and out basis. I only saw him when he was on his way in or out from where he works (in another island).

I know this was not ideal, but we were so clicked and compatible for each other. We could talk about anything, shared so many similar interests and hobbies, basically it's a perfect relationship except that he doesn't want to have a commitment.

He said that to me 3 years since we started the relationship, and caught me by surprised.Continue Reading

Embracing Your Softness

A beautiful woman is in a field blowing on a dandelion while she embraces her softness
Release the soft, beautiful side of you.

I've noticed a trend recently, one that really got my attention.

Lately it seems like so much of the advice and anecdotes I've been seeing and hearing from friends, on social media, on other blogs, is about how we women can be more "badass", tougher, stronger, harder, etc.

I see so little about what we actually want – and need! – to hear.

The part about who we were made to be. That part that speaks to our soft hearts as strength, not of weakness. The part that embraces who we are in that softness, instead of reinforcing our cultures preoccupation with seeing weaknesses as strengths and strengths as weakness.

We've fallen for it, too.Continue Reading

It Was Going So Well, Then He Suddenly Became Emotionally Unavailable

A beautiful woman looks at her phone wondering why her boyfriend suddenly became emotionally unavailable and stopped calling or texting.
He suddenly stopped calling or texting.

One of our beautiful readers, Mimi, was in a relationship for over a year with a man who is suddenly getting emotionally distant and emotionally (as well as physically) unavailable.

Here's her story:

Thanks for the opportunity to reach out. I'll be as brief as possible, sacrificing good grammar and punctuation along the way!

I reconnected with a friend of a friend, whom I first met over 20 years ago, a little under two years ago. We first Facebook messaged, getting to know one another.

I am never married, he is divorced with two kids, and we discussed our schooling, work, private lives etc. over messages for about a month. Went from Facebook to using personal emails, he gave me his phone number but I didn't call, just emailed.

Gave him mine finally and he called and we continued with phone conversations and texts. All told we got to know one another quite well through these methods for about 5 months before a face to face meeting. Which was great as it left the physical aspect out of the attraction and it was in very different levels. He lives about 3.5 hrs from me, drove down that first night for dinner, then returned home.

Seeing one another after months of contact was nothing short of wonderful.

That was August 2013, but since he has was in the process of building his own business that is seasonal, he works 7 days a week, so our contact continued to be from afar. He came again in October and soon thereafter said he wanted me to visit him and meet his kids. I did, in November 2013, and from there we saw one another regularly every few weeks.

Though his business was 'out Of season' he still worked at it night and day (he had come from a corporate setting and is very determined and driven and a workaholic to some extent). All seems great, though he is continually overwhelmed and stressed with his business and focuses on it endlessly.

Summer of 2014 fun, early Fall good as we make plans to do things and go places and he excitedly looks forward to the end of his season.Continue Reading